Wednesday, 11 September 2013

20DoW - Day 11 - Bad Habits and Flaws

   Where do I start?
   I have an OCD. Not the wash my hands 20 times and flick the lights on and off stereotype, but it's similar. If I bump one side of my foot on something, for example, I have to bump that side of my other foot to even it out. If I bump the second one too hard I have to bump the other one again just enough to even it out. If I bang it hard enough for it to actually hurt then I obviously don't do this because my mind doesn't register the imbalance because of the pain and surprise. I can force myself to get past the OCD if I screw my toes up and cancel it out.
   Another OCD I have that I don't even notice is bending my hands back and forth while I walk, stretching my wrist. It irritates Koruth so much he barely holds my hand while we're out, and the second he does I start doing it. And then he starts bending my hand about himself so I have to snatch it away and rotate them both some more to balance it out.
   I talk to myself. I'm not even kidding. I seem to think that a closed door means no one in the world can hear me. And if the door is open but the one people are behind is closed, it does the same thing. I've done this since I was a child. I will talk, full volume, outloud to myself, all the time, about anything, particularly if I'm excited about it. I am insane. Koruth knows I do it, and often comes into the room asking what I was talking about. I used to get angry because I was embarrassed, but nowadays I just accept it and tell him what I was saying. It actually really helps me as far as my writing is concerned. If I'm having a huge problem with the plan, or I've written myself into a corner, I can generally untangle the mess within 5 minutes of talking outloud, but it can take up to an hour if I keep shtum and write it all down instead.
   I'm messy and leave craft materials everywhere. I've managed to melt part of the carpet with a heat gun because I didn't realise...well I didn't realise carpets could melt. I also get paint not only over the table but it frequently ends up on the duvet cover, and I have resin on many soft furnishings and clothes - not hard surfaces, no, just the soft ones. I also have a habit of losing sewing needles. OH, and I've literally dropped 2 pots of Mod Podge on the duvet cover, too. The first time it happened I didn't notice for quite some time, and it was too late to clean up, and the second time I realised right away and managed to sort it out. Koruth cannot stand it when I start crafting, so I think he's probably on edge quite a lot.
   I can be quite rude when I'm nervous. If I'm with new people then I usually try to be funny to lighten any atmosphere, but my humour can be a little dry and sarcastic, and it tends to just come across as me picking on people. Around here, if someone does something slightly inconsiderate, or for that matter they do something that was obviously an accident, we'll look up and say "oh just hit them". The problem is that Koruth is not English, he is Dutch, and when we go to The Netherlands to see his family, I do these sarcastic and aggressive jokes and no one realises I'm joking. The first time I met his cousin and his wife, we were eating dinner at his parents' house, and everyone else had left to use the loo, get dessert, turn something off and so on, so it was just me, his cousin and his cousin's wife at the table. His cousin poured the last of the orange juice into his glass and I saw his wife watching him drink it. I thought she had a slightly irritated look on her face but now I think about it it may have just been slightly uncomfortable because I was still there waiting for everyone else - I was certainly uncomfortable, at the least. So I said "oh just hit him" not realising that it was a local thing at home. They both just looked at me like I was stupid and asked why she should hit him. They didn't understand. And, believe it or not, the second time we met with them about 4 months later, I did it again and they still didn't get it. I have to learn to relax and not tell stupid jokes when I'm around new people.

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